Catgut

               For some reason, this story, or short story, just felt like...a story that the writer didn't want to take pity on the victim. The victim is this Dr. Lejaret, she works as a doctor or on the farm and usually women, or women in stories, usually seem weak or seem stuck up and don't want to do the work. Not in this case. Lejaret does the work and all. I am going to skip over all the beginning stuff and get to the part where she is raped. Not because the subject is a great one to talk about, but it's unusually the way the author wrote it.

From the sense I got of Dr. Lejaret was not an over emotional person, or someone who was very attached to things. I almost feel like that she had some emotional issues. 

           But putting all that a side wouldn't you think if you got raped by a group of guys, not only raped but raped in a brutal way, that they pinned you against an ice-cold tank in the dairy and they smashed you against some sort of pipe that broke your back, that you would feel degraded, victimized, or a total mess. You would think that the character in the story, Dr. Lejaret, would feel that way, but no. After the guys raped her and it was all done, one of the guys, Billebaudes, tried to make a joke of it or try to minimize the rape by saying, “So, uh, doctor, we’re just having a good time, right? We don’t usually get to joke around at our house, but you understand, that’s my brother-in-law there, Manu. This is his bachelor’s party, that right, Manu?”

              After he said that Lejaret just laughed a little and said sure sure. I would have been like ah no, and would have ran off crying and victimized. Not her, she administered each of them a dose of

Ketamine, because she didn’t want them moving around. She just took her time and put on some sterile gloves and cleaned them well with Betadine. Then, after she stretched out of the skin of the scrotum and with a surgical blade, she made a tiny incision, and took out testicles. After, she ligatured the epidermis and the vessel with catgut number 3.5. She than put all that back into the scrotum and made a suture. She even prided her self I felt like when she said that it was very clean work. Than she turned to who had telephoned her, he was the most virtual, and it was his house, after she turned to him, she grafted his balls just below his Adams apple.

             Thinking about what she all did, in a very serious manner, I think she with her being emotionless or lack of emotion, instead of running off crying or calling 9-1-1 on them, she took care of the revenge herself. She got her revenge the way that she felt was most deserved. To be honest, I do not feel bad for the guys. They raped her brutally and than didn't even say sorry. The guy just tried to make the rape sound not like a rap, just a “joke” or something.

             So honestly,  I think, if I had the tools in hand, or if they passed out, I probably would have killed them too, or at least would contemplate it, because rape is a terrible crime, and some crimes just goes under looked. I do not feel sorry for the guys. Do I feel a little pity for the women because she was raped yes, but that pity get's over clouded by the fact that she took revenge on the. They did something so brutal to her and she did something brutal to them. I know two wrongs don't make a right, and eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but some rules need to be mended once and a while.

            I liked this story a lot, because it is not the usual rape kind of story. Dr. Lejaret took the the crime into her own hands. She didn't want for someone to help her. 

Virtues

               “Who understands the world is learned;

               Who understands the self is enlightened.

            Who conquers the world has strength;

           Who conquers the self has harmony.

     Who is determined has purpose;

 Who is contented has wealth.

                 Who defends his home may long endure;

                          Who surrenders his home may long survive it.”

          The Tao De Ching is a concept that is not always easy to understand. The poem called, “Virtues,” is something to try to understand, even if you don't understand it fully. The first line, “Who understands the world is learned.” What I think this means is that someone who understands the world is someone who has considered the good and bad with the world and finally had that “Ah ha” moment where the light bulb was turned on and so there for once you understand the world and the balance, you have learned.

         The second line, “ Who understands the self is enlightened,” this is, how I understand or viewed this line is that when someone understands the self, or themselves, they are enlightened. It's like a cloth was removed from their eyes and they can see everything in a new light. So once you understand your self, what other mystery is out their for you to understand?

         The third line, “Who conquers the world has strength,” I took into a view point such as one who conquers the world, the struggles, the troubles...that is what makes a person stronger and have more strength. Once you solve a problem or a boulder in your path to your way or to another aspect of your life you have more strength to keep going, so each boulder that is in the way get's smaller and smaller till it's down to a stone.

         The fourth line, “ Who conquers the self has harmony,” actually caused me to think deeply about the concept of Tao De Ching and the balance..the good and bad. Usually people do not want to think or face bad habits or parts of their personality that is not so pretty, because usually people like push of their bad habits or change them or just act like they do not have them. But once you accept them, you face them head on and you clash and you conquer the bad habits or thoughts about yourself. Once you do all that, you have reached harmony. In harmony there is no denial. There is no “Well, I am perfect,” or “I do not like these parts of me,” because in accepting ones self you accept every part of you that you acquire. Once you feel balance, you look at the ying and yang in yourself, and you realize that good cannot be without the evil, once you realize that than you are peaceful within yourself.

         The fifth line, “ Who is determined has purpose,” does make a point about life and goals in general. Let's say you are a college student and you just went to college because you think that is what everyone should do after high school. If you think this than you won't have to hunger, or thirst to finish college with the best of your abilities because you want to be there. So, once you feel determined, you found a drive or force for the purpose.

         Line six, “ Who is contented has wealth.” This line, to me, deals with the Tao De Ching, because the Tao De Ching deals with being content with ones self, not being materialistic, because money is not everything and should not rule whether you are happy or not. You could have all the money in the world and still feel lonely or sad, because in the end, you can't buy affection, real affection, or real friends who like you for who you are inside, not the amount of cash in your pockets or bank accounts. So, to be content with ones self had wealth, because the small things make you happy.

         Line Seven, “ Who defends his home may long endure,” was a big confusing. I guess, if you defend your dreams, hopes, loved ones, or even homes you may long endure the struggles or problems that come from all of that.

        Line eight, “ Who surrenders his home may long survive it,” This confused me even more because of line seven. But, if I would have to take a stab at what I think of it, is that someone who defends his home may long endure and someone who surrenders his home may long survive it. So, I guess someone who defends his home will endure the problems but someone who surrenders his home may survive without any problems. Each go hand in hand. 

Anna Akhmativa "Dark Dream 2"

The first verse, or stanza, is a few lines about how her relationship starts out. In her view point, Anna starts out the poem in the kind of mind set that the guy probably established for her: When I say jump you ask how high.

                 “You are always new and mysterious,

I am obedient to you each day.

But your love, my severe one,

Is a trial by steel and flame.”

In this first stanza I imagined a guy, maybe her husband, being someone who controls her. She had to be alert and obedient to please him, kind of how people view dogs...they have to be obedient. The lines, “ But your love, my severe one, is a trial by steel and flame.” When I read those lines, it made me feel like maybe she was getting close to having enough of her husband and how he treats her. She has had enough of his control over her and having to feel perfect just to please him, or was trying to say that his love is trying, melting her and ultimately destroying her. She is crumbling under him.

The second stanza was at the point in the abusive or dominating relationship where she has the life sucked out of her. She has no interests and she is not allowed to enjoy the things she enjoyed before she met him. All that matters now is him.

                  “I’m forbidden to sing or smile,

Forbidden long ago to pray.

But nothing matters now to me

Except not to part from you!”

He forbids her to sing or smile, so he is controlling her at this point. She is not allowed to pray and she feels like nothing now matters to her except not to part from him. She has this unhealthy relationship with her husband who she doesn't know how to leave, and can't leave. She is used to his ways and even though it may hurt her, she is addicted to him and how he acts. So, parting from his would be like a druggie giving up their drugs, it would be a struggle even though her husband, like the drugs, are not good for anyone.

The last stanza, she is completely emotionless and thoughtless. She talks about how how she no longer is happy or sad, she is in a void, no longer accepting happiness (heaven) or sadness (hell.) She talks about how she no longer sings but yet she is still alive, she doesn't enjoy the things that used to make her feel alive. The last two lines she says that he prevented or forbid the entrance or movement of her soul from hell or paradise.

                       “So, exiled from heaven and earth,

I no longer sing, yet am still alive,

As if you barred my errant soul,

From both hell and paradise.”

Basically, he took the life out of her to the point that she doesn't mind heaven or hell. She lost all interests, she lost the feeling of how to feel alive or to be happy.